Dear #Curiouscougar, let me break down this tasty little dating dilemma for you.
So far you sound like a classic cougar. Although the woman cougar is a modern concept, this phenomenon is growing faster than the divorce rate in America. Without my knowing anything about you here is what I surmise from what you wrote:
You have been divorced for some time now and you were able to find some sort of peace in the notion that you are past middle age and single. You claim that you don’t want to get married again, but my suspicion is you will after you get through your cougar phase. I understand, man or woman, people need to feel sexually valid when they reach a certain age, especially if a breakup is involved. When you say you work out and look good, I believe you. Having a vibrant, sexy, youthful appearance is a paramount component to successful “cougaring.”
Now let me be honest with you and answer the questions that you asked me.
“How do men really feel
about older women?”
Okay let’s see… How do I put this? Older women are safe — but not in a bad way. Don’t get me wrong, safe is good sometimes. A guy that is playing it safe knows cougars don’t require much effort and they’re easy on the heart. Older women get it, remember? Cougars take it easy and “have fun.” Young, successful guys in their early 30s understand and appreciate the comfort and the luxury of a practicing cougar. The financial and emotional drain it requires to date young, attractive, “biologically ticking” ladies is just too consuming for the young, independent, business-minded guy out there. Cougars are the perfect remedy for that problem and you’ll probably even get the occasional dinner or weekend getaway paid for. Bonus!
“How perfect do our bodies need to be?”
Great question! I’m glad you asked this. I would be lying to you if I told you a decent looking body isn’t important. I don’t think cougars are expected to have the body of a 20-year-old, but I do think you should do what you can to look good. Let me be more precise for you. As a cougar you are expected to look visually appealing in a sexual way. The expectation is that you wear makeup, smell good, and have a current hair style. You are also expected to strive to be fit and have a reasonable weight allowing you to fit into current fashions and form fitting clothes. And for heaven’s sake, no granny panties!
“Can a relationship like this work?”
The short answer is no, but I guess that would depend on your definition of something working. Again, Mr. Entrepreneur regards you as easy, safe and comforting, much like a man cave or an adult womb. He does not see a future with you so it is very easy for him to keep you at arm’s length. If you’re truly comfortable with playing the role of a cougar and you don’t push him toward a conventional relationship, you may be able to extend your time with him if that is your wish. But that’s all it will be — buying time. Buying time until he decides he is ready to be challenged or he deems you to be too old for him.
Lastly, as a side note, I have some advice for you. I really think you should channel your late-founded cougar hotness in a different way. Challenge men around your age to get up off their butts and work at dating you. There is no reason a mature, sexy, powerful woman like you shouldn’t be chased and courted in a proper way. Remember, once you put on the cougar suit it’s hard to take it off.
The e-mail from #curiouscougar is one of many I have received from women trying to navigate this brave new world where the desired age of one’s mate is not as etched in stone as it once was. I have tried to give honest answers and not politically correct fluff.
Guys, use hashtag #curiouscougar on twitter if you would like to add your two cents. Ladies I encourage you to comment as well, but I know you will. If you want to read my prior musings or if you want to comment directly, feel free to link up with me on www.denverdaters.com. Until then, remember, it’s a cougar or be “cougared” world out there.